CONFESSIONS OF A BRIDE TO BE....

The Great Indian Wedding Season has dawned upon us yet again.Wherever you see, you will find would be bride and grooms making big holes in their parent's pockets, partying, booking the best of everything and beaming wit excitement.

On the basis of my knowledge on the subject,  you might be wondering that either i have great observational skills, or just way too much time to spy on what complete strangers are doing... he he...but the fact is that i belong the above mentioned category!!! YES i am a bride to be , and i am all over the place right now. Be it parlour trips, shopping my ass off to burning a bog whole in my dad's pocket, i am doing it all!!!!

But as my D DAY came closer, i started feeling many things....emotions which were there all through my life but had become suppressed due to daily life pressures and deadlines to meet. it felt weird because anywhere i looked, i observed certain things , which inadvertently  took me down the memory lane and brought a tsunami of emotions...

The shopping trips with my sister, her picking out stuff for me and throwing it inside the trial room, so that we dont have to wait for our turn.. ha ha ha...taking a quick bite and running back to the malls, .....i could not remember the last time we had done this...and could not imagine whether we shall do this thing later again n life...

The early morning "healthy breakfasts" with my dear brother, his advises on how to lose weight and most important, how to make sure to get up early first to be able to do all that... !!!!!!

I am so emotionally high right now, that even today in market, when i saw a small girl pestering her mother to buy a particular type of toy, i remembered how i used to eat my mother's brain for just one chewing gum untill & unless she would buy it.

And in the evening while enjoying a hot cup of tea in my balcony, i saw a girl falling off a swing and her father came running to her, hugging and kissing her and trying to divert her mind from the pain. I could immediately recall, how bad my father felt whenever i got hurt and how he always came running when i was in trouble.

Even while flying to Delhi, when i refused to take the meal being offered by saying "i will have home cooked food tonight", my thoughts wandered towards the fact that from now on...whenever i say "i am going to my home", it will be my new home...the home of my husband..i blushed for a few seconds and then felt sad....as it was difficult for me to come to terms with that

There is a saying in our indian culture "ladki paraya dhan hoti hai...amaanat hoti hai...and her true home is her husband's home. But no matter how loving and caring your new family is (blessed to have one), is it possible for any girl to not remain attached to almost 3 decades of pampering and  nurturing??? 

My father used to often comment, "wait till u have children, then you will understand what being a parent is". Today i understand what parents are...today i know how important your brother and sisters are no matter how much "pain in the ass" they have been in the childhood days. It is indeed true that when you have easy access to anything you take it for granted. It is only when it is not there with you anymore, you understand its value. Today, when i am on the verge of leaving the comforts of being a pampered brat of my family, i understand how much comfortable my life was in the last 26 years

I may not say it out-loud, and may not be able to express it in actions, but the love and concern i carry for my family, shall always remain. i cant repay them for what all they have done for me....not even in eternity.....but i do hope that i live upto the expectations of my soon-to-be "new family"so that my soon to be "old family" always feels proud of me!!!!!!

MY “CHARLIE’S ANGELS”

Long, long time ago, on the 24^th of August, 1994 (ya, I still remember the date, thanks to my mother’s “record keeping” habit), my mother took me to a new place early in the morning. I remember saying “I want to sleep” all through the way. But my mother still held on to my hand tightly and made me walk. So we reached that place and the next thing I saw made me cheerful and somewhat nervous too. What I was looking at, was a pool of kids, of my age jumping around, playing, giggling, fighting over a toy. I must say it was some “treat to my eyes”. I just kept on wondering, what place was that exactly? As I was trying to rack through my “almost Infant” brain, an aged lady (may be 48-50 years) kneeled down in front of me and smiled, smiled as if she had seen a fairy or something. She was old, had a little wrinkled face, grey hair, but the way she looked at me and smiled was very striking and it made me blush a little too. She offered me a candy (trying to lure me, ha ha), held my hand and asked me to say bye to my mother. Well, being very frank to you all, I never had this habit of feeling comfortable with absolute strangers at that age, but that day it was different. I just said bye to my mother, moved further inside the room with the lady. THAT WAS THE BEGINING OF THE JOURNEY WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET MY THREE ANGELS.

Time flew, years passed and we all grew too. I joined a school, went there every-day religiously (again thanks to my mom for not letting me sleep) and did well in my studies too. Everything was moving on smoothly and it was a “perfect world” for me. I gradually got promoted to higher standards and then one day i came to the 9^th standard. I and all my friends were obviously very happy to be promoted because we were “somewhat senior” students of the school. Everyone was happy, celebrating the feeling of “seniority”. That was the day when god gifted me with my very first angel.

It was the third period and a lady came to our class, tall, slim, wheatish complexion, very simple, yet so elegant. That was my “English teacher”. She introduced herself and the subject curriculum too. Her voice was the sweetest voice I had heard till that day. She had a lot of calmness on her face, serenity. She taught us English for two years consecutively and it was a treat to attend her classes. I remember i used to love to reply to any question she put forth to the class. I always wanted to answer her questions. That was one subject in which i paid full attention to what the teacher is saying. And when i used to give a reply and she used to acknowledge it, i fall short of words to say how good it felt.  The feeling is inexplicable. I had this feeling that she had faith in my calibre, she knew i had potential to make it big and she knew that i did silly mistakes too ( i remember an instance where she was discussing our answer sheets and she looked towards me and said “A-N-G-E-L-S is an angels....and  A-N-G-L-E-S is geometry, ha ha ha ha). In all the P.T.Ms she had good things to say about me and always used to encourage me to keep it up, she knew i had the potential, her way of conveying it was not direct though but i could make that out easily. She helped me in so many inter school competitions, helping me in writing the scripts (sometimes writing the whole thing for me), making me practise in front of her “n- number” of times till it was all perfect. She wanted me to excel, always and i know she felt super proud whenever i achieved something. She was a positive force which pushed me towards the right direction, always.......and it still does.....

Life moved on, i finished my schooling, went into a Hotel Management Institute in Delhi. The place was horrifying (i mean the infra- structure.... i remember the first day of my class i had to go to the housekeeping lab. I was right outside the lab trying to search for it when a helper took notice of my frowning face and asked me what i was looking for, i replied and he pointed towards the signage above the door which said “GREH RAKH- RAKHAAV KAKSH”....which means house-keeping lab in hindi). I started laughing at first and then i got a little scared of what will happen the next day as i had “food and beverage” class.....LOL!!!!

Anyway, i went inside the room and that was the moment i met the second angel. She was a young lady, short height, fair, very sharp features, she was wearing a beautiful red saari which complimented her complexion amazingly!!! And then i noticed something dangling down her ear...it was a traditional kashmiri ornament. Since that very moment, i don’t know how and why, but i had an inclination towards that lady. (i guess the “same community” Factor does play a MAJOR ROLE). I used to enjoy her classes and all my friends used to make fun of me as they all hated House- Keeping big time (the subject makes us spread cleanliness all around, which one should not expect from a graduation student to do, normally.. ha ha ha ha). She was (and still is) a motherly figure to me. She knew i am a kashmiri too, but she was never partial. For her we all were the same and this made me respect her even more. She was fabulous at teaching and had this zeal of making all of us “perfectionists” in whatever work we do. And whenever my parents used to come to my annual day (as parents of “THE TOPPER”) she had all praises for me and she said that she believed that i will make it big one day!!!

One day, i had gone to college (although i had no intention to). My father had met with a serious accident and he and my mother were in Jammu getting his treatment done. It was the first day of navratre and it was a new year for us kashmiris and i was terribly missing my parents. I had to submit this file to my house keeping teacher. I did it and as i turned to leave she said “NAVREH MUBARAK”. Something really touched me that very moment, the sweetness of her voice, the way she said it, it felt so nice... it felt as if my mother is wishing me. I was so happy from within, i wanted to hug her, touch her feet and wish her, but all i could manage was “NAVREH MUBARAK TO YOU TOO MA’AM” and i left the room. The next thing i know is that i had tears in my eyes...that was the amount of the “motherly effect” that lady had on me....... and she still has it....

The wheel of time moved further and i stepped into my post graduation studies (MBA M&S). Although it was never planned as such, but i am glad it happened, because it made me become “RU-BA-RU” with the third angel.

I remember the first lecture this gentleman had with us. IT WAS SOMETHING GUYS. I mean it was an H.R oriented subject and we were looking forward to a teacher who would be crying over “organizational ethics and culture” all six months. But this gentleman was a class apart. I still wonder why he joined the H.R faculty when he does not behave like one... ha ha ha. He came into the class and the moment he started speaking my head and heart unanimously said “NOW THIS IS AN MBA CLASS”. The problem with this gentleman was that, he never taught the subject the way it was supposed to be taught (or the way we had thought it would be taught). He was different, UNIQUE. He always had some or the other thing cooking up in his mind... a case study, a role play, a questionnaire, a quiz, a debate session.... i mean talk about the variety....( i remember my friends from other sections used to be so jealous of us as their teacher was literally synonymous to “sleeping pills”... ha ha ha ha).

This gentleman is an encyclopaedia. He just KNOWS-IT-ALL. Every class he used to ask us something about a brand or some company and we used to feel, GOD WE KNOW NOTHING. He added fun all around and i totally loved his words, his mannerism, the amount of knowledge this person had....everything...i remember the day i went upto to him and requested him to make me his mentee (our college has this system of faculty being allotted as mentors to each student. My mentor was someone else, but i longed to be his mentee.... that was the effect he had on me). Since that day, he has been my mentor, my guide, my philosopher. He has been there as a strong wall in all my tough times and has showered words of praises whenever i have achieved something. The bond is such, that he reads my expressions and tells me whether i m happy or sad or angry (no matter how efficiently i mask my emotions). Under his guidance, i have changed, changed to become much more mature person, enlightened by his experiences, which he has been so kind to share with me......and which he will continue to do ... as promised by him.....

Our first GURUS  are, our PARENTS, undoubtedly, because learning begins at home always. But what amazes me is that how some people, who are absolute strangers, have the capacity of moulding us, shaping our lives in such a way, that it starts to look like a blessing in all senses!!!

This blog entry is dedicated to these three angels in my life- Ms. Piyali Dutta (English Teacher), Ms. Meenakshi Sumbly (Housekeeping teacher) and Mr. Hargovind Kakkar (O.T.M teacher). All three of you have been a great source of encouragement. You people have been my true guides and mentors and i can’t ever tell you in words how much your presence in my life means to me and how much i value every single word of criticism you have given me, which has indirectly helped me become what i am today....

Well life is not short for me and there are many more milestones to achieve, which i am confident of achieving and making it BIG one day!!! I just hope that when that day arrives all three of you pat on my back and say proudly to the world, “SHE IS MY STUDENT”.....

HAPPY TEACHER’S DAY!!!

FALLINGLY RISING IN LOVE :-) :-)

Today, while driving around in Bengaluru, i saw a couple (probably newly married) who were totally loving each other's company, cuddling, etc .... As my thoughts raced further one line got stuck in my head..."FALLING in love"...This kind of made me wonder, Why the hell we all say that we FALL in love. Why don't we ever say (usually) the we Rise in love???

I started to look back into my life and search for the answer....there are relations from which when u come out and realize that it was definitely not worth it...u were never urself with that person.. u were always a Person who HE/SHE wanted u to be...behaved according to him/her...tried ur level best to please him/her forgetting at every point what u actually are, what u always wanted to be... u just feel like giving up all ur dreams and unfortunately sometimes even ur values coz u feel u have fallen in love and this is how it is supposed to be... yes... indeed....u have done nothing, but FALLEN.....Fallen way down...not in Love my dear friends but i guess in life overall..... Because if a person can't love himself the way he/she is, keeps on changing according to the people around...that person can never love....

Then there are relations which make u belive in ur dreams, which give u strength to fight the world the way u are. These are the relations which sometimes even make u aware of certain qualities in u which probably were latent and when these come up u are like...... ZAPPED!!!! such relationships bring out the best in u personally and professionally, make ur dreams come true....U dont try to make the other person happy because he/she already is, by seeing u happy!!!! Somewhat selfless, way too much strengthening and enlighting!!! These are the ones which make u go week in the knees..........and hence u FALL....FALL too much deep in love......and RISE in life.....

 he he he he i dont know whether it would be correct english but i would love to call it......"FALLINGLY RISING IN LOVE"

INEXPLICABLE

'Life is Stranger than Fiction'......Can't remember who said these lines actually......but today...i know exactly what that person meant...( well, i believe so).
Every day that we live teaches us a new lesson. We make hell lot of mistakes, every single day.....but when we look down the road....these mistakes pile up, to become a huge ocean of experience...

With this 'ocean of experience' while growing older, we think we are getting wiser day by day.....but we forget one thing that there is one part of our body is absolutely oblivious to these material facts of life. It does not care how old we are, does not care to which place we belong....it has its own sweet voice, which overshadows everything.....just everything.
It is the voice of a kid inside us which never grows, which does not want to grow......It is the voice of our hearts!!!

There are times, when you just know, whatever you are doing is wrong....grossly wrong, which will not lead you to any good  for anybody...your head keeps on screaming this over and over..... but still you just cant gather the strength of breaking free from this unbelievably strong force which is guided by your heart. Rather i should say that you dont want to, because the heart does not understand the rules of the world......rules, which are made by us only.....rules which have a thin line that separates the 'right' from the 'wrong'.....

Your heart wants you to live, live as if there will be no tomorrow......It wants you to cry at the most happiest moment of your life......it wants you to laugh at the most miserable situation of your life.. and guess what...you actually end up doing so....such is the force!!!! You will always wish to break free....you will always want to listen to your head...or make out the 'heads' and 'tails' of a particular thing....But trust me, you will never be able to......because the Voice of Your Heart is  INEXPLICABLE!!!

My Heaven on Earth

One gets to hear throughtout his/her life, that after you die, either Heaven or Hell is your next Lodging (depending on how one leads his/her life). But the family in which i grew up, always used to tell me that there is a place which is a true replica of heaven on Earth.

I wondered all through my childhood which place exactly that would be and then one fine day i got the answer- My Hometown- 'KASHMIR'.
i came to Delhi when i was an infant, have spent my whole life till now in Delhi and in one sense you can call me a Delhite!!! i am a true one, as a matter of fact.

When i was a kid and people used to call me a kashmiri, i used to get paranoid to some extent. Kashmir has always been an issue for our country. Issue of fights,terrorism,  Curfews, Imbalance, Troubles and more Troubles. i never wanted to be known as a part of such chaotic state. i used to feel ashamed of the fact that i am a kashmiri. And trust me my whole teen-age went away with this hatred.

Then one fine day, my father asked me, whether i would like to see my home in kashmir (which by the way is not ours anymore), i just had this urge to do it and i said yes. and that was the day when it all started.

we went to Kashmir by road. It was damn tiring and i was cursing myself for coming to this 'good for nothing' place. As i was fuming with anger, my father pulled over and asked me to come out and bring the camera.
like an obedient daughter i came out and was stunned for a moment!!!! That was the place which is famously called "first view of kashmir"......i could see mountains covered with ice, huge meadows, greenery and more greenery all around me....i just could not blink my eyes at that time... i did not want to.....

As we moved on, i saw fields of 'kesar' all through the way on both sides of highway. loads and loads of greenery, apple trees, people clad in typical kashmiri dress that i had only seen in movies or in magzines!!
i don't know why, but inspite of hating that place all through my life, that day i was admiring it from the deepest core of my heart!!!!

the next 3 days were planned for sight -seeing...we went to 'kheer bhawani temple, Sonmar, Gulmarg, etc...as we were moving along, we used to pull over at regular intervals and relish the view again and agian...and guess what.. this was my special request to dad.....
The best part of the trip was the ride on a boat at Dal-lake......AMAZING!!! cool wind blowing on your face, huge mountains encircling you, Shankracharya temple right at the top, Char-Chinar right in the middle of Dal Lake....truly a Delight for Your eyes...

And how can i forget Shalimar Bagh and Nishad Bagh!!! Huge gardens full of flowers....every single colour u can ever imagine is right there to 'trea't ur eyes!!! the spring water of Chashm-e-shahi which is as pure and divine as Ganga Jal!!! And not to forget the Mindblowing Kashmiri Cuisine that we all relished for 1 week...gaaawddd it was MOUTH WATERING and DELICIOUS!!!

Then one day sudden trip to Pehalgam!!!! i dont know whether it was God's trick to captivate me with the beauty of this place or what, but it started raining that day... and by the time we reached Pehalgam, that place was all cloudy and Chilly and Serene!!!....the clouds were actually there at the level on which we were driving....that moment i wished deep deep down inside my heart, if something could stop the time, right here, right now!!!!

as we were returning from Pehalgam my father told me that the purpose of the trip is yet to be completed...Visit Our House In Srinagar!!!! I was so excited to be there... i had always heard that the house was so big, magnificient, it had two huge lawns and even the bathrooms were of the size of a decent bedroom of delhi flats... i just could not wait to see it!!

As i entered my House, i was awe-struck....i was stunned to see that place. Whatever my parents had told me about the house was actually true...it was exactly the same they had described...4-storey house, 2 big lawns, amazing wooden craftmanship on the walls and ceillings......i was spellbound...absolutely.......

Then my father took me to my room...although i was an infant when we left that place, but i don't know why, as soon as i stepped in, i could feel some connection....i had this sense of belongingness...the sense of being an eternal part of something....
As we moved out of the house, my father met some of his old neighbours....as he was talking to them, i just looked around towards my house and the whole last week got recaped in my mind.....that moment i became a 'kashmiri'. . . .That moment i realized what a fool i have been all through my life by disowning my own identity and by being something that i m not...it was a sense of realization and it felt as if i m supposed to be a part of this...i have to be...there is nothing else that i can be or could have been, ever.....as i turned back to the car, my eyes filled up with tears......tears of ignorance, tears of happiness, tears of almost having lost something so precious that cannot be explained in words.......

That was the day, when i came face to face with my own self, the person who i really am, the values i have been taught, the culture which i should have treasured.....That day a True Kashmiri in me was born.....

And as we were moving out of kashmir, a voice in my heart kept saying......This is Kashmir, My Kashmir, Heaven on Earth........MY HEAVEN ON EARTH.......

Love- The real Wealth of Life

The first feeling of being loved is when we are born and held by our mother for the first time. The warmth of her hands,the rhythm of her beautiful heart and the sweet murmuring she does in our ears, makes us smile-even at the age when we actually have no clue what a 'smile' is!!!

Life moves on and you get to know your family, the people who really matter to you and without whom your life is as barren as a desert. The feeling of belongingness, the feeling of being looked after by so many people around, ahhh it is just so strengthening!!!

The surprises you get on your birthdays by your parents. I mean you will be actually eating their ears off for some goodie and they will make you wait ( earn the very important lesson of Patience) and then BAMM, you have that goodie in your hands on your birthday!!

The chocolates Dad brings while coming back from office. The special food, full of Love, that your mom makes for you. Even the regular nagging and scolding they do- all a part of the immense ocean of love they have for you.

And if you have a sibbling, i guess you cannot be more blessed!! No matter how much you fight, yell at each other, swear to not see each other's face ever after some stupid fight over a piece of candy, you will be there for each other during the hard times...Right besides each other, whether it is a sunny day or the darkest night....

what is this??? This is actually the very first instalment of love my dear friends that we get!!!

Now you are an adoloscent, going to school religiously everyday....the question is- are you going there to study??? NO...you are going there to be with your friends. To do crazy stuff and get punished for it!! You are each other's 'SECRET DIARIES'. you make all kinds of weird swears to show how much your relation means to you, that you are never going to betray each other ever. you party all night with each other, tell lies for each other, save each other's asses. This is indeed the most memorable time of your life!!

And this my dear readers is the second installment of love that you get!

One fine day you wake up, you have your deadlines to meet, You have everything planned for the day, but then all of a sudden something totally unplanned happens......YOU MEET YOUR SOULMATE...Life here-after is a magical dream. You feel as if you are in HEAVEN. Everything around seems to be just so amazing and you always keep thinking about each other. The small small things your partner does for you, even the smile he/she gives you when you are in a mess, the way he/she hugs you or kisses you, makes you go weak in the knees!!

It is a very famous saying that, it is very difficult to find someone who loves you from the deepest core of his/her heart. And if there is such a person out there, that person is the most beautiful being on earth!! And you better grab his/her hands as God never gives you so many hints in life!!!!

LOVE IS ALL AROUND US....We just take a lot of time to realize this.

So dear readers if tomorrow you wake up feeling low because your boss is so grumpy, or your teacher punishes you all the time, or You have just broken up with someone, JUST LOOK AROUND.

 You will find someone looking at your face with a big bright smile standing right next to you like a strong wall- which has I LOVE YOU painted all over!!! :-)

JUST DON'T FORGET TO LOVE THEM BACK!! BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONES WHO MATTER!